Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Look the little tribe of Benjamin leads the way. Psalm 68:27

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"In everything you do, put God first and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success."
Proverbs 3:6

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Completing him Challenge (Kiss him like you mean it)

Ok so here is the final Completing him Challenge of the summer and Marriage Mondays. I meant to get these done yesterday but life has a funny way of pulling you away from the computer. Without further ado......
This weeks challenge could be your husband's favorite - I know it's my husband's! This is a cherry on top of a great summer of warm love and respect expressed.

The challenge: "Kiss him like you mean it!"
(Just a warning for my family....we do kiss alot!)
Sex is a basic physical and emotional need that men have. God designed our men this way. It's a good thing! Not only do they need it often but they need to know that they are desirable (just as we wives need to know this).

A lot of wounds can take place in this area of our marriage if we are not careful. Too much rejection from either spouse can lead to bitterness.

So here's a few action items:
1. Remember every man is different. Ask your husband if there's any improvements he'd like to see in this area.

2. Listen. If you husband has already expressed some frustration, listen to what he has shared and think about ways you can make a change. Baby steps are fine - just open your heart up to change.

3. Make sex a priority. Plan to have it. Don't let life get so busy that you neglect this area in your marriage.

4. If this part of your love life has gotten boring, take time to spice it up a little. Plan something nice like putting on something you feel good in, giving him a back rub, taking a shower together, lighting candles and turning on music. Take time to make a special moment - then...Kiss him like you mean it! You can guarantee he will walk taller. Paula Rinehart says sex is like a silent cheer! It just builds our man up!

Treasure these moments with your will never have these days of your youth back. Enjoy your man and let him know that he is enjoyed. Is there anything greater than knowing that someone enjoys you?

Song of Songs 5:16 says "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This I my lover, this my friend."
Build your man up tonight with some sweetness and kiss him like you mean it!

(From Jamie) I can sincerely say that I love kissing my husband. I don't think that this will be a hard week for me :-) In all seriousness, I feel like this topic is so taboo that christians let it slide and for many it costs them their marriage. Maybe we (Ben & I) are fortunate because we have so many goodbye and hello kisses that it keeps our relationship fresh. (Or the fact that we will have only been married for 7 years in December....not sure!) I fully plan on taking advantage of this challenge and hope you will too! For more visit

Ok so normally I cut & paste a few snippets but this week was just too good not to share! I hope you enjoy!
When my feelings were hurt last week, the last thing I wanted to do was reach out in some stellar act of kindness and affection. Instead, I wanted Jeff to read my mind, understand my feelings, and come to me. Starting with the "read my mind" part, there are problems with that scenario that make it rather unfair. In short, I didn't want to "go first" to smooth over the rough spot I felt. But a lot of the miracle of two becoming one is about being willing to "go first," even when it smarts.

Does it ever feel impossible to you to love your partner with a divine quality of love? He calls us to imitate His godly kind of love. The longer I'm married the more I'm amazed that God calls us to do it, but the more dependent I am on His strength to strive for that kind of love.

Ephesians 5:1 "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children."

1 John 4:10-12 "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (emphasis mine)

He DOES call us to love divinely, and that means we GO FIRST. God modeled initiative when He loved us, described in 1 John 4:19: "We love because He first loved us."

His willingness to GO FIRST in the active expression of love caused us to love back. I want that in my marriage!! How about you? God went to the greatest extent, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I want to be willing to GO FIRST in the active expression of love, and I want to be loved back.

Before we understood or cared about His love for us, before we asked for forgiveness of our offense, before we spoke lovingly to Him, before we gave anything back to Him, before we spent any quality time with Him ... He loved us. He was willing to GO FIRST.

When we receive love's action first, it affirms the unconditional quality of the love, it shows we have been chosen, and it invites us to respond. As we respond the bond deepens and the understanding grows and intensifies. And I'm not just talking about gals like me being loved by the God who went first; I'm talking about gals like me who get their feelings hurt and don't want to "go first" in relationship with our guys. Going first requires humility, humility like Jesus showed. So how does it look in a romance where we are trying to forge two into one?

-taking initiative to share (your stuff, your space, your time, your self)
-being willing to change (I'll roll the toothpaste the way you like it, Honey ;) )
-praying for your spouse first (even if what you long for is to be prayed FOR)
-making the first move intimately (showing your spouse you desire and want them)
-giving up what is yours (I can move that meeting; let's go ahead and go out that night)
-affirming your partner with encouragement (thank you for taking care of those bills)

Our tendency is to wait and let the other person make the first move, so we don't "stick our neck out there" and get burned, so we don't get taken advantage of, so we don't get ignored .... watching out for what the world tells us might happen if we dare ... to GO FIRST. But God's quality of love means we set aside our pride, love the other more than ourselves, and be willing to GO FIRST.


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Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

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