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"In everything you do, put God first and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success."
Proverbs 3:6

Monday, November 8, 2010

Marriage Monday, His Wife, What to do when life hurts

Getting Away
The writer of Proverbs urges us to, "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well," (Prov. 5:15) encouraging us to enjoy our own spouse, instead of sharing ourselves in physical and emotional intimacy with anyone else.

The reality is, sometimes it's hard to get to the cistern! A man could die of thirst waiting for the crowds to disperse around his own cistern. We have to clear the way in our lives, so we can enjoy the closeness of our marriage partner. Kids a problem? Going away together to nurture your closeness can be one of the best things you can do for those kids. Don't let that stop you.

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I had to share the ENTIRE article that I found at I hope that you use it as much as I have been trying to.
His Wife
In this chapter we are going to be talking about the wife–YOU. Without learning about ourselves first, we cannot effectively learn how to pray for our husbands. We will talk about how to change ourselves first before trying to change our husbands, creating a home, respecting our husbands, and much more!

The Bible has a verse that talks about taking care of our own personal problems first before we try to everyone else’s. It says,

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.“ -Matthew 7:3-5

Before we judge our husbands for all the things we think they do wrong, we need to search our own hearts before God, and ask for forgiveness for the things that we have done wrong. We need to change what is wrong in our lives instead of trying to change our husbands. We need a pure heart before God, so that we can come to Him in prayer and He will listen. “The hard part about being a praying wife, other than the sacrifice of time, is maintaining a pure heart. It must be clean before God in order to see good results. If you have resentment, anger, unforgiveness, or an ungodly attitude, even if there’s a good reason for it, you’ll have a difficult time seeing answers to your prayers. Sometimes wives sabotage their own prayers because they don’t pray them from a right heart.” No one is perfect, but we can come to God with pure intentions and a pure heart. God knows our hearts better than anyone else, and He knows if it is pure or if we have bad intentions. When God sees that we want to do right and have the right attitude He will honor that.

Who, Me?… Change?

The thing about praying for our husband is that we expect change. Maybe we want our husbands to change or maybe a certain situation he is in to change, but the only change we can expect in the beginning is from ourselves. Me? You ask. Yes, you. How can we expect our husband and those around us to change if we are not willing to change ourselves first? “When you pray for your husband, especially in the hopes of changing him, you can surely expect some changes. But the first changes won’t be in him. They’ll be in you. If this makes you as mad as it made me, you’ll say, ‘Wait a minute! I’m not the one that needs changing here!’ But God sees things we don’t. He knows where we have room for improvement.”

In this section, there is something Stormie has said that I really like. In my book, I have it starred because I feel it is a key point, here I am putting in bold. “The most effective tool in transforming your husband may be your own transformation.” Put away the pride and ask God to change you. Ask Him to make you into the wife you need to be, and to show you what areas you need to change. “Your attitude must be, ‘Whatever You want Lord. Show me and I’ll do it.’ It means willing to die to yourself and say, ‘Change me, Lord.’

The Ultimate Love Language

Have you ever read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? If not, that is an excellent book as well. In that book it talks about how each person has his or her own love language- the way they show love or like to be shown love. Prayer is the ultimate love language. It is the best way to show that you love your husband even when you don’t want to pray for him, because when we love someone we are willing to do things we don’t want to do. “When you pray for your husband, the love of God will grow in your heart for him Not only that, you’ll find love growing inhis heart for you, without him even knowing you are praying. That’s because prayer is the ultimate love language. It communicates in ways we can’t.”

I Don’t Even Like Him- How Can I Pray for Him?

“Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you. But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?”

“The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.”

Have you ever tried to hide things from God? It doesn’t really work does it? It’s funny how we forget that God can see every little thing that we do. So how can we be completely honest with God? “If you are angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Say,

‘Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new positive attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us do so. If there is something I’m not seeing that is adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it is justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.’”
I hope that you still have been remembering to pray for your husband at least 5 minutes a day. Of course you are free to pray more as well, but as I know some are pressed for time, 5 minutes is sometimes all it takes! if your not sure what to pray, this week pray for God to change your heart and to change you. When you are mad at your husband this week pray the prayer above and ask God to help you not to be angry anymore.


1. Did you pray for 5 minutes everyday for your husband this past week?

2. Did you find a prayer partner to pray together with?

3. What are some changes you have noticed in yourself or your husband?

For more WONDERFUL writers and topics, visit
I also wanted to leave you with this since it is something that I have been struggling with as well.
Also copied in its entirety from Courtney at
She is an awesome christian writer who constantly inspires me!
What to do when life hurts

Today I'm thinking about the reader who is frustrated with her home and feels that it is anything BUT a haven. I turn to Psalm 23 and I think about the inner dialogue of a woman who is hurting...

1 - The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. (want. want. want. I want...)

2. He makes me lie down (lie down...if only I could lie down for just 20 minutes...if only if only if only) in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. (quiet. quiet. quiet...this home is so loud...television, ipods, cell phones, chatter, I can't get a moment of quiet here).

3. He restores my soul (my soul. needs. restored. hurts). He guides me in paths of righteousness. (I am so alone...I have no one who understands...if only I had someone to get me out of this mess. mess. mess. Someone besides me please clean up this mess!).

4. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil (what if. what if. what if. what if I'm not enough?) for you are with me (you are? why are you so silent God?); your rod and your staff they comfort me. (comfort. who needs comfort. I am strong. I will pick myself up and press on. I am not weak.)

5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (overflows. overflows. overflows. Dirty dishes overflow, closets overflow, my trash cans overflow, my laundry baskets overflow, my calender overflows...if everything is so full - why do I feel so empty?)

6. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. (follow. follow. follow. I feel like difficulties, trials, disappointments, bad relationships and financial problems follow me... goodness? love? follow me?) and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (put on fake smile. I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever...BUT...I want. I want. I want. if only. if only. if only. my soul hurts. mess. mess. mess. I am weak. no. I am strong. empty. empty. empty.)

Do you hear the self talk? Do you hear what is happening between this woman's two ears? She is saying rotten things to herself about her life, about the people in her life, about her circumstances, and even about God. And then she wonders...why? don't? I? have? peace?

The problem is not out there - it's inside of her. Romans 12:2 says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Do you want to see a change in your home? It starts in your mind.

The Lord is indeed your Shepherd and you shall not be in want. You must claim these truths. Let him lead you by still waters...are you thirsty? Sit still. Drink a tall glass of his living word! Let him restore your soul. He is with you. He loves you. You will one day dwell in his house forever. You only have one life and living it in the Eeyore state is not living at all!

Are you in a storm? Do you need help? Psalm 121:1 says, "I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

At the core - I am empty, ugly, self-seeking, insecure, questioning myself to death regularly (even cried for about 30 minutes in my husband's office this week over my fears. fears. fears. and failures). I hurt. I struggle. I wrestle. But then - I lift my eyes up to the maker of the heavens and the earth and this world pauses for just a moment and all my ugly thoughts and self talk are washed away by his love, grace and peace. The storms do not disappear but seeing a glimpse of the sunshine that awaits me, lifts me up when I am weak. I am weak. I am weak. He is strong. And so I rest. And he restores.

Blessings for your week!

1 comment:

Samantha said...

I came across your blog through Julie's blog Come Have a Peace "Marriage Mondays" link up. Good post! Following your blog!

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Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

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