My thoughts on Infant and Pregnancy loss day

Yesterday was pregnancy and infant loss day. My day was crazy busy so I didn't really get to write any of my thoughts down. I got to read many amazing stories during school pick up times and right before bed. It never ceases to amaze me how many women have suffered this loss.

My first miscarriage is somewhat easier to process because I have sweet, feisty Kymber to look at and know that she would not be had I not lost the other baby. 

My second is a little different story. As I lay in bed last night feeling her little kicks, I am still angry and confused. If I had not miscarried a second time, Ben would have been here for the birth instead of deployed. Their meeting would not have been 8 or so months in the making. I am so grateful that we were given this unexpected blessing, don't get me wrong. It is hard to explain that our newest addition came to us only a month after losing another sweet baby.

I guess I am still a little raw (and maybe hormonal) on this loss. I don't think that those emotions ever quite go away.

Praying for all the mamas that have ever lost their sweet babes. Until we get to hold them......

Carried away....

I cannot believe the emotional roller coaster that we have been on the past few weeks.
We were surprised by another positive pregnancy test. Surprised, (I took 3 tests because I was sure they weren't correct!) shocked, scared, then eventually excited and elated.

I must admit my first reaction was not as joyful as our past pregnancies because I was scared that it was going to be another miserable, painful pregnancy. And to be frank it was not MY plan. But I eventually was excited at the thought of the new life that Ben and I had created. What a blessing from God!

I was due January 11th (my cousin Sarah's birthday.)

I had a random thought that maybe Ben and I would be spending our 10th anniversary delivering our 4th baby.

I was praying for another little boy. Even though this mama is sometimes overwhelmed by Isaac's little boy antics.

I knew the symptoms as they started occurring but tried to pray them away anyway.
The result was the same.

Not MY plan but God's plan.
I don't understand it but know that it's perfect.

May 17, 2013 we learned that another baby was gone.
I take comfort that this baby had a sibling to welcome it into heaven. I also take comfort knowing I have 2 sweet angels I will hold one day....

1 year ago today....

I woke up at 4:45 a.m. with severe abdominal & back cramps. I knew what was happening even though I tried to will it away. I cried almost the whole way to the ER and a lot of my time in the ER. I was at the Camp Lejeune Naval Hospital praying to hear/see some life on an ultrasound.

Today, I woke up at 4:45 am (no alarm clock and I don't think that it was a coincidence...just God's perfect timing) to little flutter kicks. I spent quiet time in a bath filled with bubbles, I listened to the tall tales of my 2 children, I cried a little bit, I enjoyed feeling this little girl moving inside of me, and I went to Camp Lejeune for an OB check. What perfect music to hear the baby's heartbeat today.

It still hurts but I understand that I am not meant to understand until some glorious day when I meet that little one.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4

Amongst the hustle and bustle....

I am taking a few minutes to remember someone who was precious to us. Who remains precious. Who we will not meet until we are called home.

Before last night, I didn't know that there was a day of rememberance for infant and pregnancy loss. A good friend sent me this picture and a simple "I'm thinking about you." I wanted to do that for my friends and family who have also suffered the loss of a pregnancy or infant. 

Everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way. I have friends who still can't talk about their loss without tears filling their eyes...

It's been 10 months 3 weeks & 6 days since I found out that we lost our baby.

And some days I still think about what might have been and who that little one might have become.

But I trust that God had other plans for our little one much greater than I can even imagaine.

Our little lost love would have been around 3 months old right now. Wow how different our lives would be!

And I am keeping in perspective that without the loss of that little one.....that we would not have the precious child that is growing inside of me right now.

Praying for all of those that have loved and lost.

Dread day

So I have known that this day is coming for several long months (dreading it coming) and now that it is here, well it is still weighing on me.

I have had so many thoughts, feelings, and emotional outbursts since July 1st that I figured I had better write it all out and try to get it off of my chest, off my mind, off my heart.

Today was supposed to be the "due date" of our third child. We were so excited that it also fell on my father-in-law's birthday. I know in my heart of hearts that this little one probably would have been early like his/her big sister and brother but I am still clinging to this date because it was/is a tangible time for me.

I have been falling into the "what if's" again even though I have tried not to go there. I even what if'd my way to looking at a Chinese birth chart because I thought that maybe it would make me feel better to "know" what my baby's sex could have been. (Now for those of you that know me well don't think that I have gone off the deep-end because I know that there will be a time when I meet this little one face-to-face & ONLY then will I know the person that he/she was.)

I have been trying different things that were suggested to me from dear friends who have also been through miscarriage. Some of them bandaid the pain for a little bit but it seems to migrate back to me. 

It seems compounded when each month I wind up not pregnant yet. It makes me question God's timing. It makes me want to demand that God bend to my time-line. Maybe that is what this very hard life lesson is about.....learning to accept God's timing and ultimate authority over my life. It is a very hard pill to swallow when you want something so very much.

Perhaps some day I will be able to look back on this season of my life and say, "Oh that is why." Perhaps not. 

In the meantime, I am thankful that I have a husband who is supporting of my major mood swings in reagards to this topic and that I have two precious babies that also need me to be in the here and now. And remembering.....

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 
Hebrews 13:8

Cementing my marriage together

I have done a little research in talking with really good friends and have found that most have a unique story of how their marriage really became "cemented" together.

Now we all know that marriage is meant to be forever and that in our current culture it seems easy to just walk away rather than work through the hard times and heartache.

Ben and I have had some really wonderful times and also some pretty horrible ones as well. I have never questioned that God brought us together for a particular purpose. I am so glad that I let God lead me to the right man instead of "choosing" on my own.

Anyway back to my cement talk, with what was supposed to be my due date for our third child only 2 days away, I have been pretty emotional to say the least. I am so very thankful that Ben has been so steadfast for me through the past 8 months.

I was just sharing with a very close friend and last week with my sister-in-law that I feel like this miscarriage really cemented our marriage together. We have suffered through our hard times & leaned on each other. We have grown through it but I really feel that this experience bonded us together. (And still continues to do so as I am traveling on this road.)

It felt fitting to share a little bit about how I have been coping with the loss of our baby. My parents bought me a ruby ring for Christmas to remember the little one that was to be joining us this month. It is a daily reminder that some day I have a sweet bundle of joy to meet when I greet my maker. 

I began to wear it under my wedding set (after speaking with Ben to make sure that he was ok with it) since it did not fit on any other finger & I could not bear to part with it to have it sized. For whatever reason, it just never looked or felt quite right. I was playing with it one day during my quiet time and slipped it on in between my engagement ring and wedding band. It instantly felt so right. 

Thus in my mind, our cement being formed and refined. Some days I can look at it and smile knowing that a sweet baby has brought such a love between Ben and I. 

And other days I try to be at peace with our current situation because I just might not be meant to understand God's ways.

I pray that some day I will again experience the joy of another pregnancy and baby but until then I am trying to take comfort in God's timing, love, and comfort. 

Stockings were hung.....

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the ruckus, family, friends, gift-giving, decorating, AND most of all the reason for the season. It is fun to see my children grow in the love of the Lord.

This year I am just struggling. It has been 3 weeks since my miscarriage and I am just still not myself. I know that it takes time but I feel like I am cheating my family.....

We (Kendall and I) hung the stockings the other day. We put a stocking up for a baby that will never see any goodies in it or under the tree. It is so hard to see joy when I still feel sorrow.

It has been a good growing experience for Kendall and for that I am grateful. Just yesterday she asked me about Heaven and in specific if we would be able to see the "baby from your tummy" when we get there.

So for now, I am praying for peace & a little bit of my Christmas joy back this year......

Overwhelmed....

Overwhelmed.

That is a good word for just how I feel. Over my miscarriage, over all of the support that y'all have provided, over how many of my friends have suffered through this & I have never known.

I am still a little weary but have been counseled by some wonderful, godly people.

I have a rock strong husband who has been such a God send through this.

I really just wanted to bang out my thoughts and feelings on my online "journal" here to let my emotions out. I never expected that so many people would read it and share their stories as well.

In wanting (but also not wanting to) remember this experience, I wanted to share just what was written to me. This will forever be part of me and I don't want to forget the people that wrapped their arms (literally, spiritually, and virtually around me.)

Dear Lord, I thank You for the difficult times in my life. Although they weren't easy, I can see how You worked through them. Help me to keep perspective on my problems today by remembering Your faithfulness in my past. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Michelle Rearick Ruiz....Thinking of during this difficult time. Hoping there is some comfort in your very near future. I promise the pain does go away, little by little, but you will never forget. Love you Jame!

Megan Davis Sokolowski .....I'm so sorry.

Tanya Gillespie-Stump I am so sorry for your loss Jamie..I know the words don't bring a whole lot of comfort right now..I myself went through the same thing two times in a row and it feels as though your heart is literally breaking. I will keep you in my thoughts and send prayers that the Good Lord holds you in his arms through this difficult time..you have a lot of friends to lean on for support..let them be your strength ♥
 
Cindy Roth Pielli..... You are in my thoughts and prayers! Hearing of your loss makes me remember my losses. God is good even in through the darkness. That was such a hard thing for me to grasp. I'm praying! Jamie Hilty Grafton...... Thinking of you and your family Jamie. I'm so sorry for your loss. Leanne Lyon Burns..... Hang in there Jamie; your body (and soul) need TIME---recovery and healing. Don't forget that it is a process and physiologically, your body needs a minimum of 6 months to get back to pre-levels. I can't comment on the soul-part (as far as time goes)...be good to yourself! Keep God close!


Courtney J White.... Jamie, I just scrolled through your page...my heart is so broken for you and your precious family....please know that I am joining together with everyone else to pray for you during this difficult time of loss...May God, the Father of all Comfort, warmly and richly rain down peace and hope upon your heart...





Jennifer Prosser-Isaacs..... I am soooo sorry Jamie:( Much love and prayers being thrown your way to help you get through this.....





Jessica Reeves Daily....... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Jamie. XOXOXO


Michelle Goertz Novak..... I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that God would continue to grant you all peace and strength and that you would trully trust in Him and His plan. I love and miss you!


Jennifer Koch Hefner..... So sorry to hear the sad news, I also had a miscarriage in March. It's really hard, but I think everything happens for a reason. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.


Tiffany Barton..... I don't have the words, Jamie...I'm so very sorry for your loss! Please know you guys are in our thoughts and prayers!!


Jennifer Ayers Jones..... Jamie,

Just saw all that has been going on with you. Glad to hear that you are home and resting. Take it easy this holiday weekend and enjoy your time with your family coming in. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anythng, just call!

Jennifer Foreman Kellum Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. I had a bad feeling when I saw you at church on Saturday. I wish I would have said someting. You are a strong mommy to two babies on Earth and now one in heaven, whom you will meet again. Please let me know if there is anything you need.


Jillian Andrikanich .....Hi Jamie. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I'll keep you in my prayers and have faith that you'll feel better soon. You're an amazing mom and woman and I've seen that first hand. I wish you nothing but the best and hope your heart isn't so sad soon. :)


Cassie Blanchette ......just want you to know my heart is aching for you as I can relate to the pain for pregnancy loss as well. 3 months after I miscarried the Lord bleSsed us with our son, James. Know that you have an angel up in heaven waiting for you. It is a comfort to me. Love you. praying God's arms surround you.

Kiley Gearhart Yaracs... Aw, Jamie. I am very sorry to see this. It's actually making me cry! You will get through it but it's tough and not a day will go by that you don't think about what this little peanut could have been (I know from experience). Keep the Faith and stay positive! Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Kelli Leighton Myers.... Hi jamie... Thinking of you and your family. I know how hard and how devestating it is. But just remember God has a will and way for everyone. Stay strong and keep Faith! ♥
Jamie Heider-Beach is very thankful for the kind health care professionals of the Camp Lejeune Naval Hospital. We are home and resting. Thank-you all for the prayers and messages. It is an overwhelming blessing to have such wonderful family & friends to rely upon.

Maureen Palmer Guarino please take care of yourself! thinking of you!

Kristin Hessemer Neagle I'm so sorry Jamie! You are all in my prayers! Everything happens for a reason and God wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle. Hope you get some rest!

Katie Hunt I'm so sorry to hear about this Jamie. I've been through it and everyone deals with it different. I'm praying for peace and understanding for you. I love you all.

Beth Sandidge Jaeger You are so strong! Love you!

Manda Panda Marie girl i'm clueless... but praying for you and your family! :) hugs

Rebecca Apetz Our prayers are with you guys.

Christina Rodes Davis Not sure what has happened, but I hope you and your family are ok and doing better, god bless.

.Lara Piedra Heath I don't know where I've been but I just read your wall. We are so sorry Beach Family :( You will all be in our prayers.

Valerie Schall Silvis Jamie, I am so sorry to hear about this. Thinking of you and your family!

Cara Young Materkowski so sorry about your loss thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Kim Stielow u r loved!!!

Christa Smith Delgado Prayers for quick healing to your body and your heart.
Luann Williams So sorry for your loss Jamie. Will be thinking and praying for you and your family.


Rebecca Adair Hey girl, just wanted to tell you I'm praying for you this morning! Praying that you feel the Lord's comforting arms around you. Love you!!!


Melinda Horton Peace Praying for you Jamie. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the heartache you are experiencing all too well and I pray that it is healed quickly.


Bess Henninger Warren Jamie, I'm just reading what you are going through. I am very touched by your faith at this hard time. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you, and I shed a tear reading your story. I will pray that God holds you in his arms extra tight right now. You are such a positive force on facebook, just like you are in real life!


Nancy Blake King Praying for you and your family...I have been there. Hard to cope with and always a loss, but knowing when I make my final trip I will have a sweet baby is what I look forward too.


Tracy Salter Leary Hugs and prayers sweet girl! Praying you through this morning.


Lori Wiseman Coleman Thinking of you!! we love you and your family hugs from us
Jessica Ball Spencer im so sorry for your loss..you guys will be in our thoughts and prayers

Laura Swann-Ritchie I am sure no words I can say will make you guys feel any better, but please know that I am so very sorry for what might have been and I am praying for you, Ben, and the kids....Love to you all....

April Dunmire The only words of comfort I can bring you are the words of Jesus, "Suffer all the little children come unto me." GOD is holding your little one in the palm of HIS hand, and has you wrapped in HIS loving embrace. PEACE be upon you.

Susan Kubancsek Stone We are very sorry for your loss.

Lisa Reinke Jamie, I am so sorry...

Christina Sims Reeve Im so sorry Jamie. I know how you feel. We suffered a miscarriage a little over a year ago. I always think about what could have been/should have been. I just keep telling myself..everything happens for a reason..........it does get better, but it never goes away.

Michelle Rearick Ruiz Aww.. :(

Jennifer Pelletier I'm so sorry, Jamie. I, too, have been there. Give yourself the time to grieve. It is a process, but you have God as your help and strength. I'm praying for you and your family. ((hugs))

Keri Blanton Jamie, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is emotional roller coaster, the joy of finding out your pregnant, than the great sadness of miscarriage. I misscarried about a year before Lily was born. Give yourself some time to grieve and know that God is with you as well as your friends. I'm praying for you and your family!!!

Cathi Bouzide So sorry Jamie.

.Rebecca Mullins So sorry for your loss. Love you!

.Beth Heider Hickman Jamie so sorry for your loss and I know that there are no words to express what you are going through but I am praying for you & your family.

Melissa Townsend-Fisher Your family will be in my prayers. Word and prayers are the only comfort I can give, but we know the Lord is the greatest peace.

Roni Hutcheson Richards Love you...


Julie Wolfgang Sabella im so sorry Jamie...just had my second in 2 years....God is good...He needs angels for greater purposes... Someday we will see all of the "why's"...luv U!

Rebecca Apetz Jamie I have been thinking of you non stop since I saw you yesterday. You are an amazing and strong woman. Remember if you need anything just call.

.Arinn Roy so sorry jamie. i've been there, and it's not easy. hugs.

.Ashley Huber Hugs ur way.

Heather Fox Slusher I'm so sorry to hear this. Your friends, family and faith will get you through. Thinking of you!!

Anne 'Miller' Burley My first baby, Lemuel Konnor, was born in heaven November 20, 2005 and July 13, 2006 will always live in infamy, as well as Cecilia Leilani in heaven May 9, 2008. December 16, 2008 was supposed to be her greeting to the world. Tears well up when I read your blog. I know the pain and heartache. I've walked a hard road to get to where I am now. Grieve, cry out, and ask why, but know that through it all you will hold your little one in heaven. God's just holding him/her until you come, and HE is holding you too.

Alison Bakner Johnston I've been there, between Nick & Adam. I found out I was preg at 6 weeks and lost the baby at 10 weeks. What a roller coaster!! I do understand. It will be ok. I'm here if you have questions or want to tallk!

Sharon McKeeman So sorry for your pain and loss. I know all those verses well they are the only thing that kept me going. God is so very good and I know He will hold your heart and comfort you as He also holds your precious baby. We have such a treasure in heaven and they will all be buddies before we get there:) there will be times it just hurts though and none of that makes it better, just keep holding on to God because He loves you even when things don't make sense. We are praying for you all!

.Sharon McKeeman And please don't even think the what ifs - my pastor told me to shut them off because they lead nowhere good and they aren't true! Gods plans can't be thwarted and His purpose for your child is being accomplished even if it doesn't look like what we would hope for. Just keep trusting His plan and His timing, it will all make sense one day and you are an AMAZING mother of three beautiful children!!!

Joyce Bashline Corbin Im sorry to hear that Jamie...but God always has a plan. He will take care of you during this hard time. :(

Megan Sanders I'm so sorry Jamie! My prayers are with you!

Laura Tamarelli I'm so sorry Jamie. My heart and prayers go out to you and your wonderful family.

Kristine Gregoli Betancourt oh, jamie! Im so sorry!

Kathy Houston Heider Sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure Kendall was devastated. We will be keeping you and your family in our thoughts.

Karen Kirst Vyskocil so sorry, Jamie! praying for you all

Cindy Heider Murphy My heart hurts for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jennifer Windley Meyers Oh Jamie! My heart is so sad for you guys. We'll be praying for you all. I hope God will bless you with another baby soon.

Christa Hood Jamie, I am so sad for you guys. May God comfort you in this time.

Lori Weldon Lucas Thinking of you guys. So sorry. ♥

Jennifer Washer Webb I'm so sorry to hear that. Our prayers are with you. Hugs.

Kara Beth Serra So sorry sweet girl... Hugs & prayers..

Ellen Keeney Feeko So sorry to hear that. You and your family are in our prayers.

Jamie Heider-Beach Thank you guys so much. I sat and read these over and over again while I was waiting in the doctor's office this morning. Love you guys.

Katelynn Bourget I'm sorry jamie for your loss. God is looking over you and he needed an angel. Praying for you and your family

Whitney Miller Grant Thinking of you guys..... :)

Karen Casciani I'm sorry to hear that Jamie, may peace be with you.

Shellie Schwalbe Olson Jaime, I just found out last night about your miscarriage, and I was so sorry to hear that. I had pone 27 years ago, and it still makes me sad to think about it. It had a profound affect on me. A nurse friend said she found that women reacted two ways, took it to heart, or accepted it immediately and moved on. I grieved for quite a while myself. I am praying you will take it easy to physically heal, and spend time with Him to heal in your heart.  (Shellie)
Troy Anna Smith Hey Jamie!

I just wanted to let you know that you have been on my mind and in my prayers all week. I am so sorry for your loss and needed to tell you that you are a very special person to so many people - and even though sometimes God can leave us confused to why this is His plan for us, we must trust in Him and believe we never struggle alone, He is right by your side. You are so loved and please know you are on my heart this holiday! xoxoxo
Nina Peters
Dear Jamie,
I didn't feel right posting this to your wall. I can't pretend to know what you are going through. I'm sorry this happened to your family. Isn't it something how fast we begin to think of them as our baby, as our family. It doesn't matter how far along you are or how long you've known...there is a connection there. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. If you ever need to talk,I'll listen. I can't give advice, but I'll let you chew my ear.
Open your Bible sweet lady. I usually just open the Bible and read whatever page I opened to. It works for me. I don't know why.
Love,
Nina

Jennifer Koval
Jamie I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. There really are no words to say to make the situation any less painful, but believe me I do understand what you are going through. I have had 3 miscarriages so far. 2 before I had Landon & 1 after him. They are the most painful losses I have ever experienced & I pray everyday that it doesn't happen again. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. I know you have tons of family & friends that love you, but if you ever need ANYTHING at all please don't hesitate to call me! Hang in there sweetie.
Love,

Jennifer
Heather Fleming
Hey girl! I just want to let you know that I am praying for you. I understand so much of how you are feeling right now and I am very very sad for you. Please let me know if I can do anything for you and your family. Also, if you are feeling very mad, bitter, hurt, and sad it is ok to feel that way. It is also ok to let God know how you feel. This was what one of the older ladies in our church told me while I was still trying to recover this last time. I spent days of praying, writing, and studying the Bible (Psalms helped so much)The Lord is caring for 5 of my children right now until I make it to them someday. Just know that your baby is in great hands! Lots of hugs!!!!!!
Beth Scott Hornsby
Hi Jamie,

I saw the overwhelming love for what you recently went through and got curious to see what happened. I wanted you to know that my heart is with you too. I've had 3 miscarriages (one at 12 wks, 2 wks and at 3 wks) so I share your pain. I realize that I'm terribly overprotective with my sweet boys now, but I cherish them so much after finally receiving both of my blessings! Much love to you and I'll keep prayers of strength for you on my heart.
Hugs,

Beth

Christina Ulmer Winton
I wanted to write you as soon as I saw your post but I knew after I started to read and saw what happened I teared up and chose to wait until I could sit and give you 100% attion and my kids were aslee.... I wanted you to know how sorry I am that you are going through this and that I am praying for you; for a peace that passes all understanding... I will never tell someone I know how you feel...because I don't know what is going through your mind at this point but I can honestly say I have been through this tuff road before I lost 3 pregancy and I lost Zoe's twin, the day after the ball where I had told everyone we were expecting twins again I thought I was safe at 15 weeks... the pain is something that will always be there but never something that God can't help you through don't push the feelings away feel them greif is ment to happen.

I wish I could give you a hug I knew as they were telling me I had lost my first baby I could not really hear the doctor he was talking but I was in my head screaming at him just as you were asking why... and what had I done wrong... and I don't think those are questions that are ever answered. Some people may try to "help" and it hurts the most common hurts for me were ..."be thankful for the babies you have at home already you have them" (yes I do but I still love the baby that is being lost) "it's for the best, there was probably something wrong with the baby..." (not that this will happen, but people often say this stupid thing) or "you'll have other babies." That devalues this baby. Some people just don't know what to say and it comes out bad.

I wish there were some perfect words I could speek of healing for your heart and your soul but I do know that you have a wonderful husband and one amazing faith in GOD and that will help you through this more then you know... Please know I am here if you ever want to chat if you need to cry or scream or get mad at the world its all ok too my cell phone has not changed either!

"Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29)
"Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things, who, O God is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." (Psalm 71:19-21)

here is a wonderful supoort site and it is christian based.

http://www.mend.org/support/render.asp?content=home

Much love and lots of PRAYERS
Christina

Elizabeth Elizondo



Hi Jamie, I just saw your facebook post about your sweet baby. Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry. I pray that you feel the Lord's hands holding you right now. I pray for physical and emotional healing for you too. I don't know if you're familiar with the group Watermark? They wrote a beautiful song called Glory Baby when they lost their baby. Here's a link for the lyrics. (I don't know how to get the music to come up.) I will keep you in my prayers, Jamie. Love, Liz

Kim Stielow


i am so sorry- i know exactly what you are going thru- i lost a baby when Jon was in Iraq same time of year almost to the date- in 2007. I know it is so soon to think positivley but the most beautiful thing I know about my child is that they will only ever know the unconditional love of GOD- how amazing is that. My prayers are with alll of you, much love and peace from me and Emma

Nicole Farber Hungate


Hi Jamie,

I wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you since Thursday when Janet texted me. She said that you thought you were having trouble with your pregnancy. I wasn't sure of what happened until I saw you yesterday and you said you were okay but didn't want to be at the craft fair. I am so sorry for your loss. I regret that I didn't handle our conversation with more grace. I was stunned. I had no words, only tears that I didn't want to let fall in that setting. I wanted to reach out and hug you, but also not wanting you to lose the great composure you had at the time.

I love you and pray that your body and heart heals. Let yourself grieve and know that God has you firmly in His grasp.

Love, nicole

Stephanie Karl Gunesch
Jamie,

I'm so sorry to hear your hard news! I'll be praying that God brings you peace in the coming days. I cannot imagine a loss like that.

Love,
♥ Steph

Clara Sharp


You are definitely in my prayers.

Aww Jamie my thoughts are with you and the family, i know what you are going though I don't tell people but in Jan of this year I had 4 test say we were having a baby and then a 2 weeks later nothing. I know how you feel and know that this to shall pass and it will take some time but you will be at peace with it one day
Kayla Leonard November 21 at 6:54am Report


Hey i'm so very sorry that you had that happen :( i cant imagine having that exciting phase of planing and hopeing for a new little one taken away from you so suddenly... I hope you guys do have another one because your family is such a delight to be around and your children are absolutely beautiful and so sweet. Everything will come together and i'm sure you'll get pregnant again, i know it dosent take the sting out of what happened but everything will turn out how it should :) good luck on the baby making(lol) and maybe just maybe you might have a christmas surprise... Have a good day jamie :) (meagan)


My emotions rubbed raw......

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

We were absolutely elated to find out we were pregnant with our third child. Kendall was beyond excited & got to tell her daddy, grandparents, aunts/uncles the big news.

November 18, 2010

My world shattered.

How could someone I have only known for 9 days affect me so much?

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose.

Jeremiah 1:5

Every good gift & every perfect gift is from above.

James 1:17

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother's womb.


I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!


Body and soul, I am marvelously made!


I worship in adoration—what a creation!


You know me inside and out,


you know every bone in my body;


You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,


how I was sculpted from nothing into something.


Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;


all the stages of my life were spread out before you,


The days of my life all prepared


before I'd even lived one day.
Psalm 139:13-16 

I woke up to abdominal and back cramps plus bleeding. We immediately left to go to the ER even though in my heart I knew that there was nothing that could be done.

The nurse was kind, she offered statistics on how every 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. What I wanted to do was shout "I don't care.....this is my baby not a stat."

She told me that it was nothing I did that it was a natural process. My heart & head were screaming WHAT IF.....

WHAT IF

it was the traffic accident I had 6 days earlier

WHAT IF

it was the furniture that I moved

WHAT IF........

He or She only looked like this.......

But in my eyes I already was envisioning whether or not the baby would look like my two sweet children. How we were going to rearrange furniture to fit all 3 of them in our home. What I could sew & make special for this baby. That I was looking forward to once again feeling a baby move, kick, and share my body one last time.

A friend sent me this.....

I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more. Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years…”. Isaiah 65:19

It helped soothe my soul for a little bit. But I know in my heart that I will always remember

November 18, 2010

and

July 16,2011

when our sweet little love was due.

So for now......

we will be planting some tulip bulbs that my sweet friend, Star, gave to me. They will not look like much now but come spring I know that they will be beautiful & give me a little hope. A little glimpse of the beauty that this little one is bringing into our lives.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Revelation 21:4